last call, folks

So here's my (tentative) schedule for the next two weeks. I'd love to see everyone before I leave (or before YOU leave for the holidays).

Claim it while it's free!

Thurs 12/22 -- free all day
Friday 12/23 -- free after 7:30
Sunday 12/25 -- free all day
Monday&Tuesday&Wednesday 12/26-28 -- free after 7
Friday 12/30 -- free all day (actually have to work...)
Sunday 1/1 -- free all day
Tuesday 1/3 -- free all day (but also probably packing)

1/4 -- probably packing all day or something...

I leave the morning of the 5th of January

closure?

I was talking to an old friend today about my potential move coming up, and he asked me what I was doing to get ready for my transition out of NY. I replied sheepishly that I wasn't doing much because I wasn't even 100% sure that I would be moving... But then, I admitted that I was actually just too scared and too sad to have to start planning a goodbye party. Once I start telling people I definitely am moving, it's going to feel so... finalized and imminent, ya know? 


He encouraged me to recognize the importance of getting closure from this chapter and facing that fear because I won't want to be carrying that emotional baggage into my next chapter. I should acknowledge all the great joys of what happened in these past 6.5 years, realize that saying goodbye doesn't mean that I'm ending these friendships, and mentally and emotionally prepare myself to dive into the next step of my life, without all of the longing and strings attached to my previous chapter. And at the end of the day, if I cry, I cry. (which will happen a lot, trust me). These emotions are all part of our human experience; I shouldn't try to be repressing them or denying what's about to happen in my life... Plus, when I really think about it, I wouldn't want to leave NY any other way than to spend time praising God for all that He's done in my life here.


So I guess this is it, guys.


I'm moving.


*cue tears*

I get downright giddy about

eating out at nice restaurants. I love the ambiance, the service, the elegance, the details, the company, and everything that makes the experience just that -- an experience. 


Some of my favorites (in NYC) thus far:
Jean-Georges
Daniel
Blue Hill Stone Barns
Marea
L'atelier de Joel Robuchon
Del Posto
Gramercy Tavern
Park Ave Autumn
JG Nougatine

Still on my bucket list:
Riverpark (going tomorrow! YAY)
PER SE!!!!!!
Eleven Madison Park
Blue Hill West Village
Lincoln

[such elegance! oh yes, and champagne on arrival :) | blue hill stone barns 7.31.11]

[vegetables have never tasted this good | blue hill stone barns 7.31.11]

[still one of my most memorable dining experiences | jean-georges 8.27.10]

[this fish course literally left me speechless | marea 5.14.11]

[foie-gras burgers! | l'atelier 10.12.11] 

 [so impressed with this sugar sphere dessert | l'atelier 10.12.11]

[admiring our tower of canapes and enjoying world-class cocktails in the lounge | daniel 7.23.11]

[only the most incredible bread basket known to man | del posto 9.3.10] 

[I experience deep cravings for this pork shoulder and cornbread in bacon broth. It's seriously magical | gramercy 8.10.11] 

[Plus, having a friend as a bartender at the tavern isn't bad either, esp. when she makes me fun cocktails and throws extra desserts my way :) | gramercy 8.10.11]

on moving

Oh man! I'm a little surprised at the reaction I received regarding my previous blog post about moving! I almost didn't think anyone read this anymore =P Hahaha

but YES. to answer everyone & their moms' questions. . .

I officially finish my "training" on January 3, 2012, after which I will be placed at one of the 48 H. restaurants across the country. I get a minor say in my preference, but it's more of a courtesy question they ask me, rather than a request they take seriously. This restaurant group is notorious for moving their managers around all the time, so even if I did get to stay in NY for the time being, I'd probably end up moving sooner or later anyway. Besides, they won't really promote you to a higher level manager until you've worked in a few different locations. My friend just got her assignment to Long Island, which kinda sucks, because her whole family is in Boston and she would have LOVED to go back to Boston. I'm super impressed with her attitude towards her LI placement though, and I just hope&pray that I will be equally thankful and excited for wherever I end up.

How do I feel about moving? To be honest, I'm still in denial. It's too sad for me to actually take it seriously... but maybe I should start soon. I'm sure there are 1000 reasons why moving would be good for me, and 1000 reasons why staying in NYC would be good for me. At the end of the day, I just gotta go where God puts me. And really, even though it's the VPs and GMs that make the final decision on where I go, God is the one who is directing even that show. God's been so good to me in my life up till now, so even if I have to move, how can I question that He won't continue to be faithful to me?

So yes. There is a verrryy high chance I'll be moving. That is, unless something crazy happens and I hop off this career path and start doing something else...

...

...

O_O

my new york bucket list

Since I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay in New York, I should probably get a list of things I want to do before I leave...

Here's what comes to mind. The bigger challenge, though, is finding people who will willingly (and happily) spend the money to do these with me :P

- eat / have cocktails at the Per Se lounge
- eat / have cocktails at Blue Hill in Manhattan
- eat / have wine at Lincoln
- go back, visit people, and have cockatils / dessert at Daniel
- NYC chocolate show (next week!!!)
- go back and eat some more pasta/fish at Marea!
- hang out at Pegu after closing
- eat at colicchio and sons
- have another bread basket at Del Posto
- get cocktails at PDT and Milk&Honey
- try the pancakes at Sullivan St. Bakery

HM. I should probably think of other things that aren't food related...

- watch another opera at the Metropolitan Opera
- catch a sunrise at the 23rd street park
- convert as many people as I can to going local
- share the Good News with a few more coworkers and friends
- catch a jam session at the Blue Note, Dizzy's, or Birdland


New York City is full of cool stuff!!!! I don't want to leaaaaaaaaaaaveeeeeee :( :( :( SIGGHHH. 9 weeks to go... *GULP*

hospitality

I've been thinking a lot about what this looks like in the past few days, and I can tell you one thing: some people can't help but exude it, but sadly, many don't. I want to strive to be hospitable in all parts of my life and to all sorts of people -- to friends, to strangers, to anyone needing to "be seen" (in the words of Danny Meyer).

once a pastry chef, always a pastry chef?

Don't get me wrong. I am super grateful for the opportunity to learn the FOH-side management and everything that comes with it, but I also can't deny the fact that I dearly miss making pastries in a kitchen...

Just bee yourself

Working at a place like H, there's a very certain.... "look", "style", and "feel" they are going for in their service and food. For example, we're never allowed to say "specials" or "drinks". Rather, they are "noteworthy additions to our menu" and "beverages." We count how many sugar packets go into our sugar domes, and we don't offer coin change with the bill. When picking up the telephone (with never more than two rings), you smile while you answer, and it's always "please hold." Never "hold on a second."

With so many guidlines and what seems like memorizing a script of thoughtfully-concocted phrases we all use, (which comes naturally for the staff, since a majority of them are professional actors/performers), it's been a little tough for me to "come into character", if you will. I find myself having to repeat these phrases to myself over and over in order to ingrain them into my second nature.

At the end of the day, though, I feel that it's not the robotic acts or words that will "wow" the guest. Rather, it's a real connection, and I think I need to remind myself to just...be myself. As much as I DO need to act professionally and treat the guests in a H-way, I still need to let Nancy come through and let the innate hospitality that I know is within me guide my conversations with the guests. With that comfort comes confidence, and with confidence comes influence.

So yes. "Just beeeee yourself."

Come, Lord Jesus

When we decide to intentionally engage unreached people groups with the gospel, we can expect to be met with the might of hell. Divisions within us, distractions around us, deceptions tempting us, disease and death threatening us. Satan doesn’t want the end to come. The question is, do we? Are we willing to pay the price? Are we willing to reexamine everything we’re doing in our churches, all of our budgets and ask how can we make disciples here in a way that is intentionally engaging and making disciples there? Are we willing to pay the price? 


You say, “Well, aren’t there other Christians who can do this better than us? Local Christians who can do this in those places around the world? Why don’t we just support them financially and let the locals do it?” That’s the point! There are no locals! There are no local Christians. There is no local church; that’s what it means to be unreached. God’s design is not for us just to send our money while we sit back, watch TV, get fat, and let them lose their lives. No. We pay the price, and brothers and sisters, we receive the reward. See it, the reward: the end will come. 


Privilege and Responsibility of the Missionary Problem

of ALL nations

Brothers and sisters, this is our command, and it is clear. We have not been given a general command just to make disciples among as many people as possible, as natural as that might sound to us. Our God has said to us, “Make disciples among every single people group.” Our Commanding Officer has said, “I mean to rescue a people from every tribe, tongue, language, nation for king Jesus.” Therefore, obedience to the Great Commission necessarily involves commitment of resources to get the gospel to unreached people groups.

This is not an option for us biblically. God has told us from the very beginning that this is how he has always defined mission. All the way back to the Abrahamic Covenant in Genesis 12, and all the way forward to the heavenly chorus in Revelation 7:9-10 where a people, not just as many people as possible, but a specific people comprised of every tongue, tribe and nation will gather around the throne of Christ and sing “Salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb who sits on the throne.” Revelation 5:9 says, “And they sang a new song, saying,‘Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.’” Our King deserves the praise of more than just 5,000 people groups. Our king deserves the praise of all 11,750 people groups on the planet. 


-- David Platt

Whatever is at the center of your life will be the source of your security, guidance, wisdom, and power.

Security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it. 

Guidance means your source of direction in life. Encompassed by your map, your internal frame of reference that interprets for you what is happening out there, are standards or principles or implicit criteria that govern moment by moment decision-making and doing. 

Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, comprehension. It is a gestalt or oneness, an integrated wholeness. 

Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People 

What's at the center of your life? 

feeding the 5000

Remember the story where Jesus fed thousands of people with one boy’s small lunch? In that story, according to Matthew, Jesus gave the loaves to His disciples and then the disciples passed them out to the crowd. Imagine if the disciples had simply held onto the food Jesus gave them, continually thanking Him for providing lunch for them. That would’ve been stupid when there was enough food to feed the thousands who were gathered and hungry. 

- Francis Chan, Crazy Love

hilarious birthday wishes

Friend : happy birthday Nancy!! couldnt write in on your fb because your profile is a pic of chicken and im afraid of chicken haha

but hope you have a safe, sound, blessed birthday :)
HAHAHAAHAhahahahaha.....

my keeendle

My reading list on my kindle:

finished | currently reading | in queue

The Hunger Games; Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire; Suzanne Collins

Mockingjay; Suzanne Collins

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; Stephen Covey

The Crash Course: The Unsustainable Future of Our Economy; Chris Martenson

Setting the Table; Danny Meyer

When I Don't Desire God; JPiper

For Your Joy; JPiper

Don't Waste Your Life; JPiper

ESV Bible

The Pursuit of God; A.W. Tozer

Crazy Love; Francis Chan

Drink This: Wine Made Simple; Dara Grumdahl

HBR's 10 Must Reads on Leadership; Harvard Business Reviews

[samples]

Battlefield of the Mind: Joyce Meyer

Strengths-Based Leadership: Tom Rath

Atlas Shrugged; Ayn Rand

Radical: Taking Back Your Faith; David Platt

HBR's 10 Must Reads on Managing People; HBR

A Game of Thrones; George R.R. Martin

Letters to a Young Chef; Daniel Boulud

The Essential Cocktail: Dale Degroff

wise words from Danny Meyer

Since the beginning, people have told me that in going into the restaurant business, I chose one of the hardest businesses in the world. True, a restaurant has all kinds of moving parts that make it particularly challenging. In order to succeed, you need to apply—simultaneously—exceptional skills in selecting real estate, negotiating, hiring, training, motivating, purchasing, budgeting, designing, manufacturing, cooking, tasting, pricing, selling, servicing, marketing, and hosting. And the purpose of all this is a product that provides pleasure and that people trust is safe to ingest into their bodies. Also, unlike almost any other manufacturer, you are actually present while the goods are being consumed and experienced, so that you can gauge your customers' reactions in real time. That's pretty complex, emotional stuff.

Why Work?

In nothing has the Church so lost her hold on reality as in her failure to understand and respect the secular vocation. She has allowed work and religion to become separate departments, and is astonished to find that, as a result, the secular work of the world is turned to purely selfish and destructive ends, and that the greater part of the worlds intelligent workers have become irreligious, or at least, uninterested in religion. But is it astonishing? How can any one remain interested in a religion which seems to have no concern with nine-tenths of his life?

- Dorothy Sayers

making amends w/ the working life

People need work. They need its challenge, its product, its achievement, its aesthetic and emotional rewards, its relational dynamics, its drama, its routine, its remuneration. Reduce the workplace only as a soapbox for evangelism, and you destroy a gift of God. For that is what work is, a gift.

- William Hendricks

rhythm, III

You see, anything that starts with depth and purpose and beauty, if it's not nurtured and taken care of, that passion and beauty and depth will always give way to dry technique.

---

Now, the Sabbath was one of those things that God gave mankind to enjoy life, to drink deeply of all that is, and over a period of time, it became so technical that it stopped giving live and started sucking the life right out of the Hebrews.

---

Now here's why you were created, that God might be admired, that He might be famed, that He might be worshiped. That's why you are. Now Dr. John Piper, he's made the Westminster Catechism the most popular thing in the world. And the funny thing is that people always quote it like it's him, but he's quoting the Catechism. And it says this, “God is most glorified in us when...” what? “...we are most satisfied in Him.” Here's why this is such good news. It's such good news that you and I were created to bring glory to God, because God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. So, the way we give God glory and honor and reflect the magnitude of His worth to the world around us is by enjoying Him, not by simply obeying Him and doing everything He says, because we know He can damn us to hell, but rather enjoying the goodness of the way of Jesus.

So, let's go back to the Sabbath now. Go back to Mark 2. So God scoops up the dirt, breathes into it, man is born, knocks him out, breaks his rib, creates the woman, tells them to be fruitful and multiply. The prophet Habakuk would say that man was going to cover the whole globe...said that, “the whole earth would be covered with the knowledge of the glory of God.” And He creates man to display, reflect the glories, beauties and magnitude of God. Now let's get back to the Sabbath. Verse 27, “Jesus said to them, 'The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath'” So watch this...God begins to create...He begins to speak into being...He speaks the universe into being...the stars into being...the planets...the mountains, the oceans, the camels, the ducks, the weird things at the bottom of the ocean,He speaks all of that. The He creates man to reflect His glory, to make known his manifest wisdom.

He creates it all and everyday takes a step back and goes, “It's good...It's good...It's good...It's good...It's good.” And on day 7, He creates what for man?...Rest. Sabbath. He creates man for His glory. He creates man to enjoy Him thereby glorifying Him. And He creates the Sabbath as a tool for man to accomplish that purpose. Your enjoyment of God is inseparably woven into the idea of Sabbath. Which is why God is so serious about it throughout scripture. He puts it in the top 10, doesn't He? Right in the 10 Commandments. Leviticus 23:30 says “as for any person who does any work on this same day, that person I will destroy.” I mean He's serious enough about the Sabbath to say, “take it, or I'll kill you.” He's serious enough about the Sabbath to say “stop, or I will destroy you.”

----

And the thing about the Sabbath, the Shabbat, it slows you down enough to see people again...to be grateful again. Because gratitude is the foundation of worship, and worship is the consummation of the glory of Christ in our lives.

-- matt chandler. rhythm, pt. 3

rhythm, II

'I’ve been wondering why silence bothers us so much. I think that when things go quiet, we find ourselves in the quiet. We see more clearly our own spiritual reflection and sometimes it’s hard to look at. And so, if we can fill our lives with enough noise, we won’t have to look at it! For instance, if you’ve ever tried to get quiet, and meditate, and slow down your life, whatever you really are bubbles to the surface. If you don’t have any patience and you try to slow down you’ll think “How long have I been here, 45 minutes?” No, 7 seconds. It feels like forever. If you’re angry or have a lust problem, it won’t be long until that surfaces.

Jesus gets quiet in Luke chapter 4, and within two verses, who shows up? Who? Satan, the devil. Jesus gets quiet to prepare, to prepare His heart, to prepare His mind, to hear from God. He slows it down, gets silent, and within two verses – here comes temptation, here comes distraction, here comes religious tom-foolery. Do you get it? It’s not a naked woman running through the woods that tempts Jesus. The devil is actually using Scripture on Him. “Oh sure, if you’re the Son of God you’ll be lacking in nothing. Eat. God would want you to eat, you’re his own son. God loves you Jesus. Eat.” Jesus said, “Man shall not live by bread alone.” The Satan says, “Look at all the kingdoms of the earth. They can all be yours. You know they can all be yours. Scriptures say that all the kingdoms of the earth can be yours. For now they’re mine, but I’ll give them to you.”

And it’s in the silence that we must confront our demons.

--------------------------------

I’ll end with this. Jesus says “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:30). “Yoke” is a weird word – we don’t use it a lot. It has to do with plowing fields. But Jesus here is not talking about plowing fields. The term is used to refer to a Rabbi’s teachings. So, Jesus is saying “My yoke, my teachings, the way I’m asking you to live, is easy. And the burden is light.” So let me ask some questions and then pray. I wonder if this thing we’ve been caught up in isn’t the way of Jesus at all. I wonder if this kind of mathematic, scientific approach to spirituality isn’t the

way of Jesus at all. I think if we were honest a lot of us has spent some time in church and have not found our hearts and souls relieved of the weight that seems to crush it. I wonder what would happen if we quit running, quieted the soul, faced the demons, and started on the journey to wholeness. I wonder how much easier it would be to pray, how much weight would come out of the Word, how our lives might be changed. Does your life and schedule reflect a person who wants to hear from God?'

-- matt chandler, rhythm pt. 2

rhythm, I

' I am wondering how many of us are walking with a great conversion story, but

we feel all out of rhythm. We feel that the tune our life is playing, is off. Before

we get into this though, we have to answer a pretty big question. Maybe it is

better for me to say it like this, “You have to answer a big question.” Before we

can get into this and really start examining the life of Jesus and how he lived his

life and how he teaches us to live it, before we get into this, we have to answer

the question – “Who is Jesus to you?” I did not say, “Who is Jesus to us?” That

is not the question tonight. We have a doctrinal statement that clearly defines

who Jesus is to us. The question tonight is, “Who is Jesus to you?” Because there

can be some subtleties there that make all of the difference in the world. '

-- matt chandler, rhythm pt. 1

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

Jim Elliot

taste preferences

I know that working in a French kitchen has done some serious work on my palate when I find myself craving a nice slice of sourdough with some cultured butter and sea salt over a freshly baked, taro-pasted-filled Taiwanese sweet bun...

kitchen whites

The two biggest things I'm going to miss about working at Daniel are:

1. my coworkers

2. working in a kitchen

It had only been a week, but when I put on a chef's coat yesterday for an interview/stage, it felt oh sooo gooooooooooood.

I miss it so much already.

friday night freedom

whatcha doing tonight?

me: dunnoooo!!!!!!

i don't know what people do on friday nights

hahahaahaha

Sherry: oh

HAHAH

sadddddddddddddddddd

ME NEITHER

sigh

growing up

I keep going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Is it time for a change, or will it only set me up for unnecessary heartache?

what to doooooooo.

endurance

some days it feels like I can't do it anymore... the intensity, the pressure, the stress, the busyness. the french. but as my chef so appropriately pointed out today... I've been here 10 months. surely I can last 4 more weeks...

besides, at the end of the day, "it's not like we're saving lives or anything. we're just making pastries... so chill out. relax." -DA

a family affair

I bought meself a new bike yesserday :) looksie like bailey & alfie want in on the fun, too!

Love and mercy fill my senses
I am thirsty for Your presence, Lord
Come and fill me up

oblivion and ignorance

sometimes I feel like the life I'm living is so un-real, and not in the "cool!" meaning, but in the "is this really what life is like?" sense. I live in a such a bubble, oblivious to the brokenness of the world around me. gotta get out there, nancy!

kitchen gadgets

Belinda bought me a cool popsicle maker today http://www.zokuhome.com/pages/products-quickpop-maker

which brings my collection of kitchen electronics/gadgets to an astonishing (and even alarming) size...

-kitchenaid stand mixer

-kitchen torch

-ice cream maker

-food processor

-tart pans and madeleine pans and more random sheet pans

-ebelskiver pan (if and when Mark and I ever end up using it....)

-a bazillion types of flavorings and extracts

-pounds and pounds of Valrhona chocolate

-two kitchen scales

-my whole toolkit that I got from school, filled with piping tips and dipping forks and more spatulas than you know what to do with

-half a pound of fresh vanilla beans that I have still yet to use....

lucky

I was flipping through my picasa today, and I saw that I had exactly 888 pictures under my "Taiwan" folder. Talk about luck & fate! =P My dad would be so proud...

6 weeks

until I am lying on the shores of a jersey beach with 4 of my closest gal pals, with no more anxiety of having to return to a French kitchen.

can't waaaaaaaiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!

some perks of working in a kitchen

During work yesterday, I had a craving for some rice, so what did I do? I put some rice on the stove, fried up some eggs&veggies, and made myself, (my chef, and my team) some fried rice...hahaha. Then I made a smoothie out of the pineapple, mango, and apple scrap that I had. =P Granted, I don't always have the luxury of having the time to whip up something random to eat whenever I get hungry, but it IS nice having ingredients lying around waiting to be used...

my favorite moments

at dinner tonight, a (non-Christian) friend of a friend mentioned that her favorite times in life were eating good food in the presence of good company, and as much as I wanted to nod and agree with her, I couldn't, because as much as I do love good food&good company, I knew that the downright sweetest moments in my life have been those times of worship, rest, prayer, and pure enjoyment in the presence of my God. There's nothing like it.

oh, to dine at the table with my King.

how I long to live in your house, O Lord.

baking and me

I told myself that I didn't want to work in a kitchen anymore post-Daniel, but now that the end-date of my 2-year-long culinary pursuit is soon coming to an end, I'm actually getting kinda bummed... It's been really, really fun learning all the secrets to food-making and fidgeting around with my own concoctions, and even more fun eating it all! Culinary school was super interesting and exciting, and thinking about how hard I tried (and all of the success I did experience through it all) makes me wonder if I'll regret leaving this all behind soon... top of the class, outstanding final projects, outstanding GPA, landing jobs at Nobu57 and Daniel... all for what?

I caught up with Mikey on Sunday, and his words definitely reminded me of why both of us wanted to start Wild Manatee and why we stuck it out working in the food industry for so long, despite the terrible work environments, pay, lifestyle, etc... Working in a high-pressure restaurant kitchen at Daniel definitely skewed my idea of working in the industry in general and turned me off to staying long-term, but when I go back to my roots and convictions, the real reason why I even spent so much time, effort, and money pursuing this career was because at the end of the day, I really just love to feed people...Plus, baking is something I really really enjoy doing. There's gotta be a reason why God gave me this kind of heart and this kind of talent -- right?

I just hate having to really leave this all behind...it seems like it's been such a big part of me these past two years that stepping away from it completely is like seeing a part of me die. (er, disappear). AND I can't help but feel like if I do walk away from it, these past two years will have been a semi-waste. ALL of those hours and dollars spent in culinary school, learning how to make 298374 types of pastries&confections....ALL of my time in Taiwan, Nobu, DANIEL.... ALL of the skills I've gained, the burns I've gotten, the recipes I've perfected and the potential of even cooler ones waiting to be invented.... Where did it get me???? What was the point??? Should I continue forward in this track?? Should I not??

God, I feel frustrated, grieved, confused, and even a little heartbroken when I look at my life thus far and as I think about my future... Please, PLEASE, please, would you fill my heart with peace and really guide me in a clear direction so that I'm not so lost??

>___<

walking by faith

"Welcome, child," he said.
"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."
"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."
For a time she was so happy that she did not want to speak. But Aslan spoke.
"Lucy," he said, "we must not lie here for long. You have work in hand, and much time has been lost today."
"Yes, wasn't it a shame?" said Lucy. "I saw you all right. They wouldn't believe me.
They're all so---"
From somewhere deep inside Aslan's body there came the faintest suggestion of a growl.
"I'm sorry," said Lucy, who understood some of his moods. "I didn't mean to start slanging the others. But it wasn't my fault anyway, was it?"
The Lion looked straight into her eyes.
"Oh, Aslan," said Lucy. "You don't mean it was? How could I--I couldn't have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I? Don't look at me like that...oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn't have been alone, I know, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good?"
Aslan said nothing.
"You mean," said Lucy rather faintly, "that it would have turned out all right--somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?"
"To know what would have happened, child?" said Aslan. "No. Nobody is ever told that."
"Oh dear," said Lucy.
"But anyone can find out what will happen," said Aslan.
-Prince Caspian, C.S. Lewis

----------------------------

¹⁸ For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. -- 1 Corinthians 1:18

(shoutout to Mallory for sharing the Narnia reference w/ me tonight)

gal pals

solid gal pals are so precious. so thankful for the ones I have ^_^

vacay-craaaze.

now-july 19th: DANIEL

july 20-22: jerz shore w/ the gal pals

august sometime: alaska cruise & vancouver w/ the fambam

august 28th-sept sometime: eastern europe w/ the fambam

post vacas: ????????

I need to stop putting off this decision I need to make. -_-

O the wonderful cross

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

my heart breaks...

...when people who are seeking, seeking, seeking for the truth think they've found it, but really haven't at all.

...when people think of Christianity as a mere set of rules & guidelines instead of something (and more specifically, someone) that brings hope and life.

...when environmental pressure&circumstances turn people of good character into monsters.

...when people don't know what to live for, who to turn to, how to find purpose and joy in their lives.

If only people knew.

Surely, how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.

BUT

July also means miss mallory is leaving :( :( :( :(

!!!!!

can't wait can't wait can't wait.

eeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

july 19th

3 more months until FREEDOMMMMM.

T'will be bittersweet, for sure, but boy I can't wait!

TGIS

if only every day could be a sabbath day..!

redemption

with epic fail comes epic redemption.

I totally fudged up 8 kilos of flourless chocolate biscuit, and after hours spent on scaling it and baking it all, I had to throw it all away in the trash. But I knew where I went wrong, and the next time I made it, it turned out pretty well! :) Then, today, I totally mis-judged the timing of making 8 kilos of pistachio nougat (a scary thing to make) (AND in front of my sous-chef) (also ended up in the garbage), only to remake it almost perfectly later in the evening (and without my sous-chef's help!). I was nervous about making these two products, since they can be two of the more complicated things we make in our bakeshop...but my sous-chef assured me before making them: "once you successfully make it, you'll feel so good!'"..and she was right :)

Honestly, I feel like I have messed up at least one big project every night at work this past week, and it sucks having to throw away product and realize that hours&ingredients were just wasted b/c of my mistakes...Having to admit it to my sous-chef is even more embarassing because these are things that she trusts me to be able to make well! But at the end of the day, I suppose it's alright because I really am learning QUITE a lot from my mistakes. And when I can redeem myself and make it right the second time around, it feels pretty awesome.

Can I just say though, PTL that Chef is in France this week and isn't seeing all of this shmoo-shmoo going on!!

hi ho, hi ho

gonna be working 6 days/week, ~11 hrs/day for the next month or so -_-

grounding

This whole past 7 months, I've been trying to figure out how to keep proper (Kingdom) perspective on life while juggling a (semi) stressful full-time job whose hours prevent me from being immersed in community. What I've discovered? It's hard, and I fail more than I'd like to admit.... I really can't do it with my own strength, energy, wit, effort, wishful thinking, or anything else...

Spending time -- really good quality time with God is like water to a thirsty soul. It takes away the focus from my immediate circumstances and onto straight-up worship of a Holy and Awesome God. Solid heart-to-hearts with good friends are like breaths of fresh air. They remind me of God's faithfulness over the years, of His grace that we so desperately need every day, and the joys of life that He's blessed us with to enjoy. There are just some things, people, experiences that help you remember who you are and what you live for, ya know?

barware

Over the years, I've accumulated quiteeeee the collection of baking utensils, tools, pans, gadgets, ingredients...skills.

I'm hoping that my next collection will center around cocktail muddlers, glasses, jiggers, ice cube trays, shakers, ingredients...skills.

:)

lesson learned

what a mistake to get my nails done before going to work. they're going to look terrrrrrrribleeee after a whole day of working with my hands and on my feet running around. should've just opted to do my own nails in the bahamas instead of paying money only to have them get messed up in the end anyways -_-

so, imagine you're swimming/diving underwater, and you're holding your breath....and you're deep down below the surface so you have to keep holding your breath as you swim up towards air, so you strain and strain and strain, and swim and swim and swim....and you know that that breath of air would be so so sweet...but it's still so far away, or so it seems, so you just keep swimming harder and harder, trying to reach that place as soon as you can. But the harder you swim the more desperate you become to get to air, and that desperation only gets more and more intense.

All you can think about is getting to the surface when you can finally breathe again...

to take a break from all that swimming

and holding your breath

and just _

breathe.

perspective

There comes times in my day-to-day life when I feel like life is getting a little too confusing for me...and in those times, I really really miss my family.

I could really use a trip back to LA right about now...get a breath of fresh air, gain some perspective, realign my life...

Romans 8:1-2, II.

"don't be so hard on yourself, nancy"

Several people have told me this in the past few months... There's something about me -- maybe my Asian upbringing of valuing sacrifice and letting others have the bigger portions, this twisted conception I have that suffering is glorified, or my innate desire to achieve and perfect things -- that keeps me from really finding freedom and joy in the grace God so lovingly wants to bestow upon me...

not on men's wisdom...

"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

1 Corinth. 2:1-5

so very much so

in need of a vision.

recipe testing!!

Chef Dominique asked me to work on some cookie recipes for the new bakery that's going to open up this summer/fall near Lincoln Center, and I mixed three doughs today. He had already left by the time I finished mixing the doughs, so he's going to save baking them until tomorrow...but, since I won't be at work tomorrow, I wanted to bake some and make sure they tasted okay.

I made a chocolate caramelia cookie (of similar consistency and makeup to the famed levain cookie), and a peanut butter cookie (one of my all-time faves), and I had some coworkers try it. Their response made me sooooooo happpyyyy -- they all LOVED them!! One of my French coworkers, who is pretty critical about how food looks and tastes, was blown away by the peanut butter cookie and gave me a HUGE high five, followed by a request for the recipe! I only wish I could see chef's reaction to my cookies tomorrow.... I'm really crossing my fingers he'll end up using some of this stuff for the bakery! Better yet, I hope chef keeps asking me to work on these fun little projects for him! It would feel so nice being able to contribute something of Nancy-origin to the world of Daniel Boulud-related establishments :) :) :)

choose

Pastor JR Vassar of Apostles NYC has been preaching on a sermon series titled "Choose" for the beginning of 2011, in which he asks us to choose the things that please God as we start this new year. I must say, this series has been excellent so far, and I would highlyyy encourage everyone to listen to it. The one that spoke to me the most was the "covenant vs. consumerism" one. Actually, "community vs. radical individualism" was really powerful too.

http://www.apostlesnyc.com/media/sermons/

:)

PS - Apostles NYC has a free podcast! Great for those long commutes! *nudge nudge*

working with fobs

I just realized... 3/4 people that I spend 12 hours with every day for 5-6 days a week speak English as a second language to their native tongue of French or Korean. Since communication is HUGE in our line of business, it's no wonder why I feel like my brain has to work 2x as hard in order to 1) communicate in a way that my coworkers can understand and 2) to comprehend what they're saying.

I've been training my Korean friend and a new French girl this past week, trying to explain all the nuances of the stations they're now taking over... Additionally, I spent 3 hours having coffee with my Croatian coworker this past week, and I also just spent 4 hours chatting with my Korean friend in ktown. Man oh man, my brain is exhaaauustteeeedd from deciphering their Engrish. I need a break!!

sometimes I wonder...

pants

As I was growing up, people would call me by some nicknames, such as "nance," but none of them ever really replaced "nancy". Some of the weirder ones I've had were "G-ma" (from Shanghai friends), "fancy nancy"....or "wildchild" (from Manatee and Atown). More recently, LOTS of people have been calling me "Nancy pants". I don't know why, but people from all different places (church, school, work) all get the idea to call me "nancy pants". My coworkers have even shortened it to just calling me "pants", so when they say hi to me or need to get my attention, they just call out "pants"!

Sherry has also gotten into this weird habit of calling me "ponce" or sometimes even "poncy ponce", which I guess sounds like "pants" or "nancy pants". It's so strange. Who woulda thought that 'pants' could ever become someone's nickname...

stumptown

checklist

Hello February! Wowzers. 1/12 of the way through 2011 already!

Anyway, here's what I hope to accomplish on my day off (today):

- venture out to jersey to have "lunch" with catherin

- get stumptown coffee with my coworker

- bake bread pudding, honeycomb peanut brittle, chocolate spice bread, and maybe even a tangerine meringue pie if I have the energy... as well as test out a taro mooncake recipe for Chef

- read while mallory does work

- leaders mtg!

- clean/organize my room, kitchen, and pantry...

- call my seester

accomplish-able? maybe if I don't wake up at 11AM tmrw like I usually do... hahaha

[no NJ, no mal, failed my peanut brittle, and definitely woke up at 11....hahahaha]

[____]

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,

for with the LORD is unfailing love

and with him is full redemption.

Psalm 130:5-7

dreams do come true

12:10 PM me: hii

i had a dream last night that i got tuesday off

and that i could go to leaders mtg

hahahaah

hopefully that dream comes true...

12:11 PM Mallory: hahaha

your dreams are so realizsitc!

i can spell

12:12 PM me: ahaahah

12:13 PM yeah

they are...

sometimes unfortunately

cuz then i wake up

and i'm like.

dangit!

i really want a day off!

haha




BUT GUESS WHAT. I found out today that I DO indeed get Tuesday off next week! WHEEEEE.
Betcha never saw anyone so excited to go to leader's meeting. Yeap. that's me.

Ed McCully

Written by Elisabeth Elliot, the wife of Jim Elliott, a Christian missionary-martyr to the once-savage Auca Indians of Ecuador, Through Gates of Splendor recounts the stories of the 5 missionary-martyrs who responded to God's call for them to share His love to this particularly hostile tribe.

Here are two short videos that give you a good glimpse of their stories:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I0RIgPYIRw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEcRv3c-Cuw&feature=related

I wanted to share this particular passage because it struck me how precious God's call was to these young men, who really, were leaders of their age and had super bright futures awaiting them. They were gifted, driven, men of good character, talented, ambitious, and yet, simply because they experienced God's great love for them, they so joyfully and willingly laid down their lives and their futures for the chance to share this same love with people who had never before heard the name of Jesus. They really lived out Acts 20:24 and Philippians 3:8. Whew. So encouraging, yet so rebuking all at the same time...

I know it's long, but I do encourage you to read through it all :)

[p 41-43 of 'Through Gates of Splendor', emphasis added mine]

----------------------------------------------------------

"When Ed entered Wheaton College in the fall of 1945, it was not with the idea of becoming a foreign missionary. He chose business and economics as his major.

Six feet two inches tall, weighing one hundred and ninety pounds, he soon distinguished himself as star end on Wheaton's championship football team. His surprising speed for so big a man made him a track star as well. His track coach, the national champion miler, Gil Dodds, tells of an incident in Ed's senior year. Ten 440-yard men were in training for a special meet in Boston; from the ten, give would be picked to go. Ed wanted to go to Boston. So, in spite of the fact that he was a 100-220-yard man and had never run a 440 in his life, he asked if he could try out with the others. It was typical of Ed that he made the relay team by one-tenth of a second. 'He was always coming through with the impossible when the chips were down,' was Dodds' concluding comment.

Ed was at his best on the platform. His simple, direct approach to his audience enabled him, with no formal training whatever in public speaking, to win the 1949 championship in the National Hearst Oratorical Contest in San Francisco, a competition in which over ten thousand students had competed. His essay on Alexander Hamilton was nearly memorized by his classmates, who insisted on his reciting it at every class gathering. ...

Such was the spirit which Ed, senior class president, had generated. Of his election my brother Dave wrote: 'Ed was elected (or shouted in) without a contrary vote. I frankly doubt if anyone even entertained the idea of proposing anyone else for the position. It was a foregone and unanimously accepted conclusion.'

The following year Ed McCully, having turned his thinking toward the bar, entered law school at Marquette University. At the beginning of his second year there he took a job as hotel clerk at night, intending to spend the time studying. But God, who ordains men of His own choosing and moves in them to the accomplishment of His eternal purposes, had other plans. Ed told his Wheaton classmate Jim [Elliot] about it in a letter dated September 22, 1950:

'Since taking this job things have happened. I've been spending my free time studying the Word. Each night the Lord seemed to get hold of me a little more. Night before last I was reading in Nehemiah. I finished the book and read it through again. Here was a man who left everything as far as position was concerned to go do a job nobody else could handle. And because he went the whole remnant back in Jerusalem got right with the Lord. Obstacles and hindrances fell away and a great work was done. Jim, I couldn't get away from it. The Lord was dealing with me. On the way home yesterday morning I took a long walk and came to a decision which I know is of the Lord. In all honesty before the Lord I say that no one or nothing beyond Himself and the Word has bearing upon what I've decided to do. I have one desire now -- to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it. Maybe He'll send me someplace where the name of Jesus Christ is unknown. Jim, I'm taking the Lord at His word, and I'm trusting Him to prove his word. It's kind of like putting all your eggs in one basket, but we've already put our trust in Him for salvation, so why not do it as far as our life is concerned. If there's nothing to this business of eternal life we might as well lose everything in one crack and throw our present life away with our life hereafter. But if there is something to it, then everything else the Lord says must hold true likewise. Pray for me, Jim.

...

'Two days ago I was a law student. Today, I'm an untitled nobody. Thanks, Jim, for the intercession on my behalf. Don't let up. And brother, I'm really praying for you too as you're making preparation to leave. I only wish I were going with you.' "

[Ed McCully, Pete Fleming, Jim Elliot]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm pretty starstruck given the descriptions of these five young men, but what's even more astonishing is how worthy GOD is, that he makes even bright young men like these forsake all else for the sake of following after Him. They consider their lives nothing in comparison to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus their Lord.

My prayer is that I would come to know this same Jesus the way they knew Him, seeing Him as SO valuable that I would forsake all else for the sake of knowing Him and making Him known.

1.26.11

some things that brightened up my day:

- started reading "through the gates of splendor" that mark lent me!

- went into work an hour late

- left work 3 hours early, so worked an all-time low of 7 hours!!!!

- got to catch the tail end of prayer meeting

- yogurt + blueberries + sliced almonds

- hummus with raw cauliflower and broccoli

- walking through fresh, fluffy, powdery snow in my new super waterproof rainboots

PS - have you guys ever heard thunder in a snowstorm?! so strange... but I guess that's why they call it a snowstorm.

double-agents

It's tiring trying to live two different lives at the same time, no?

Romans 8:1-2

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

1/24th of the way through 2011

brief recap of 2011 thus far =P it's been a pretty good start, I must say... who knows what the rest of the year will have in store!

[1.2.11]

had the class of 2010 over to my apt for hot pot & sharing :)

[1.2.11]

[1.7.11]

had a chance to hang out with this lovely lady, catching up and chatting just like old times :)

[1.9.11]

HOME!!!!

lunch with the fambam and my brother's new gf! I love me my peking duck and hoisin sauce...

[1.11.11]

hanging out with Scarlet (and her new red beamer), getting stuck in horrible LA traffic, walking the santa monica pier, over-stuffing ourselves with kalbi at AYCE kbbq!

[1.11.11]

bike tour of USC, dinner, and checking out Epic with my brother

[1.12.11]

every trip back home comes with great, cheap asian food -- this is $2.99/lb deep fried garlicy crab goodness.

[1.16.11]

4-course pre-fixe brunch at bar boulud! (pics here on out from lauren's camera!)

[1.16.11]

yay for great friends and great food

[1.16.11]

double yay for my 30% employee discount and many, many extra dishes, "compliments of the kitchen" ^____^

we ended up getting 1 extra meat dish and 3 extra desserts, all freeeeeeee. When they brought out the desserts, they just kept bringing them...and bringing them...and bringing them. I was so happy! Hahahahaha....

[1.16.11]

and we devoured them all.

3 hour-long brunch...must be a record =P

ze future

Every visit back home comes with a guarantee that I'll have a chat with my dad about my future. Sometimes, it's helpful. Other times, it's really stressful. Today was one of the stressful times, mostly because now more than ever, I have nooo idea what to do with my life, not even what next step to take!

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm so losssssssstttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Yep.

LOL. Talk about 'speak-of-the-devel'-type moments. I was just looking through all my blog posts of 2010, and I came across this one, which is actually pretty hilarious to me, reading it minutes after posting my most recent post. It's funny when you re-hear advice after actually going through them in a much more real way. My old Taiwan chef's advice post-working-at-DANIEL carries a lot more weight and truth now than it did pre-working-at-DANIEL. Hahahaaha....

Anyways, here's the blurb to re-iterate THE lesson of 2010.

------------------

Talking to my chef was really good. He told me, "It's okay if you don't always do well all the time. Just take things slow. Make sure you have a plan of what you have to do before you actually start anything, otherwise you won't succeed. Remember to keep a happy attitude at class or work. Be more joyful. This way, your work won't feel like such a burden. And as for the hours you have to put in every day and the strain that it might put on your friends and family -- you get used to it. You and your family. It'll all be okay in the end. Don't worry so much! Don't be so nervous. Just stay happy and remember to take things slow. You're in no rush for anything. Put your mind to it, and I know you'll succeed.

"Also, most importantly, don't be afraid of suffering or hardships."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Just don't be afraid of it!"

And finally, it made sense to me. Why should I be so afraid of going through hardships? As I think about class, work, life..., I guess I realize that hardships are and will be part of the whole package. God tells us to endure hardship, to rejoice in suffering (Heb 12:7, Rom 5:3), and for a good reason. It does build discipline, character, perseverance -- all things that are good to have. So for me, the (constructive) criticism I receive or mistakes I make will only help me learn what it takes and how to get to that point where I can be a better chef, student, person... Without making those mistakes, how would I ever learn and improve?

2010

I thought a lot about posting a 2010-recap picture post, but I don't think I'll end up doing one b/c I'm too lazy to find pictures and post them =P Hahaha... But I do want to write a bit on 2010, since it was a pretty monumental year for me, and I feel I owe it to my future self to write something about this year...

2010 was probably hands down one of the hardest years of my life thus far. Granted, my three months of 2009 in Taiwan were pretty miserable and lonely, but I don't think I cried as much or was as unhappy in my life as I was in 2010. On the upside though, through those struggles, I learned how to be resilient and developed a pretty high tolerance for pain. To make an analogy -- it's like when I burn myself (which happened a lot a lot a lot my first few weeks at work). My first major burn happened when the espresso machine exploded on me with 29384-degree scalding espresso right before service started; and let me tell you -- it was t e r r i b l e. My hand had a blister the size of a small animal and my confidence and composure were completely and utterly shaken -- all in the midst of being new to a station and having 5 different people yelling at me for doing everything wrong. But from that moment on, every next burn I got, even if it really hurt, just didn't seem nearly as bad when compared to my first huge espresso burn. It was like declining marginal pain, to borrow from an economics term.

And so it is with life. Early 2010 was rough, yos. But I got over it, shed the tears I needed to, and moved on. Then mid-end 2010 was rough, too. But I already had experience with sucky situations. Like when I get a burn, I know that though it hurts like crazy in the moment, it will eventually heal after it goes through all the stages of nasty puss oozing and skin peeling. In the end, all that remains will be a tiny scar, maybe to remind me that it did impact my life. (And who knows, maybe with enough Vitamin E oil and scar cream, the scars will completely disappear!) And it's like that with life, too. It hurts and it sucks at times, but eventually, things will get better.

There is the faintest shadow on my hand from that espresso burn nearly 3.5 months ago, and hopefully one day it will blend back to match the color of the rest of my hand. And one day, maybe the scars in my heart from everything this past year will no longer be scars and my heart will return back to its original state. But regardless of whether they do or not, I do know that I have come out of 2010 a stronger, more resilient person, more ready to take on the challenges that await me in 2011 and beyond, because I know (from a lot of experience at this point) that there's a process for everything, and at the end of the day, it really will all be okay.